The BolehJokes Opinion: And now it's BN 5 PR 3

Boleh-Moan: I am not being negative but are we dreaming? Or rather am I dreaming? I have always harbored the hope of "Bangsa Malaysia" strongly but I just can''t see it happening to this hopeless bloody nation. Let's face it. Barbarians are among us. They incite hatred whenever they can for whatever the fuck reason that they can have. Are humans all born to be biased? WHY? I mean fucking WHY? I am Chinese. So what? Must you hate me because I am Chinese? I cant fucking change that. So FUCK YOU and FUCK YOUR THOUGHTS!

BN 1 PR 0
Ella is too sexy
PAS Youth demonstrated and BN is smiling.

BN 2 PR 0
Indonesian singer too sexy
As if one time is not enough, they did it again.

BN 3 PR 0
PAS Youth to protest over Avril Lavigne concert
At least they were consistent. Consistently crazy. If there's any claim that PAS will practice extremist policy and make our womans all wear tudung and cover their faces like batman, I will certainly believe it.

BN 3 PR 1 Anwar's sodomy case
This has bring abit of balance back to PR. If without DSAI, where will all these monkeys from PAS Youth be?

BN 4 PR 1 The long-standing disagreement between DAP and PAS.
Can they work together and not kill each other? I don't know man. PAS seems to enjoy ticking off DAP people and I just saw an UMNO and MCA kind of relationship over here.

BN 4 PR 2 Election campaign scandal four years ago
Maybe I am just so used to it. Used to BN screwing up and thus, it's becoming a norm. PR scored on this one.

BN 5 PR 3
A Nation with Lost Hope - The trashing of Bar Council
This is a draw. Violent fanatics from mostly opposition parties caused Bar Council meeting to cancel with chants of racial sentiments while BN practicing double standards as police are not stopping the demonstrators while urging the Bar Council to cancel the meeting.

If Pak Lah and his BN people did indeed planned the use of racial card to pull back some sort of support, he had succeeded. Finally he can afford a big smile. He succeeded with the help of PAS. What's more, he's getting an even bigger support from PKR debutant, the champion of race wannabe, Zulkifli Noordin. BN may lost popularity and credibility in the way they handle certain things which angered most of us. But I am slowly losing confident in PR because of PAS and Zulkifli Noordin. What's more, I have lost all my confidence in PAS and their ability to be a good ally to PKR and DAP.

Why must I fight against the tyrant only to be harboring false hope and fell into the trap of another tyrant? Unless DSAI get rid of PAS immediately, form PKR and DAP into one party or I may never regain the confident in PR. I don't mind my leader is Malay but I simply don't want extremist to be ruling. I still remember what PAS did to Terengganu the last time they rule over there. DONT RELATE RELIGION INTO ADMINISTRATION, you retard!

I am very confident DSAI will still win but what will happen next? He becomes Prime Minister with PAS's backing? What will PAS do next? Make all Malaysians regardless of race to wear Songkok and Tudung? Men and women queue up in different line? We have to change our name to Eddy Yulianto Abdullah? What else? If DSAI dont succumb to them, will they pull out and join BN and help BN regain back the Government? What's next in PAS Youth's agenda? Whatever it is, fuck them. UMNO Youth suffered badly because of their stupidity. Now, PAS Youth is joining them in the fast lane.

4 years is really a short time. All I can see is, 4 years from now, people will want to punish PAS badly so that they will finally be a thing of the past. As for me, I will have to spoil my fucking vote because this nation has no hope with UMNO Youth or PAS Youth. Hell, I don't even know if I will go and vote. I may just fucking watch Desperate Housewives and sip some lemon coke and don't give a flying fuck.

Now that's why I am so sick of politic. Uncle Nik, sack some people lah! Sack PAS Youth.

TCJ

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The BolehJokes Opinion: Teachers are Gangsters?

I know all the hype has been about DSAI's election campaign in Permatang Pauh. I would like to wish him all the best. I don't really know who will step up to challenge him but I feel sorry for that person. He or she will just merely show up, get some publicity and then lose badly (really big time motherfucking badly). Poor thing. Haha.

Honestly, I am still a little sick of politic. So let's talk about something else. I read an interesting article in the Star today, entitled "Teachers should not act like hooligans".

I can't help but to think about all the past horrible memory that I had as a little kid trying to make my grades in school. I fully agree with the writer. Some of the teachers during my time in primary school are really like some motherfucking big time gangsters. Let me share a few of the most horrible things that I've been through or personally witnessed. I can honestly say, we were all under Nazi ruling in school during those days.

Horrible incident number 1:
I was in standard 5 when I witnessed this. Terribly shocked and terrified and still feel horribly sorry for my classmate. It was in this session when the teacher was talking about the things that we love. So he asked us what are the things that we loved most. Some girls answered clothes or handbags, some said TV, some even said toys but there was one innocent fella who suddenly try to crack a really stupid joke by saying that he loves shit. He was instantly punished.

The teacher ordered him to go to the toilet and carry some shit with his hand and come back to the class and show it to him. At first, everyone was laughing. It was really funny. But then we were wrong. He really mean it. He shouted at that poor fella. He told him to really get some shit back. Poor guy. He went to the toilet, managed to grab some shit and wrap it up in tissue and came back. The teacher was not satisfied.

He demanded that the shit is supposed to be in his hand not in the tissue. How fucking evil. I will never forget this fucking asshole. I hope this teacher will one day trip and fall and smash his own fucking face into some dog or cat shit and accidentally swallow them. Fucking dip shit. Just by merely thinking of his fuck-face now make me angry.

Anyway, that poor fella again came back with the shit in his hand. How disgusting. Still this fucking asshole teacher is not satisfied. He wants that poor classmate of mine to smell it. Put it close to his nose and say "I love shit". My classmate did exactly as what he was told. He was terrified. He did not know what else he can do. So are we. We were all shocked. This is how loving our teacher is during those days. This fuckface have the same moustache like Adolf Hitler.



Horrible incident number 2:
I was doing my homework when one fucking stupid looking teacher came in to our class. This fuckface also have moustache that look like Adolf Hitler. He was very angry because the class was noisy. So he started pulling some boys out and asked them to identify the rest who were noisy. Unfortunately, my fucking classmate pointed out a number of us who were busily doing our homework and was obviously innocent and I was included. While most of them shook their head and helplessly agree to meet their faith, I decided to stand for myself. I told the teacher that I was innocent. I was doing my home work. I showed him my notebook. It was rather unfortunate.



Instead of believing me, he yelled at me and kicked me really hard and pulled me out like I was a criminal facing death penalty. He didn't stop there. He kept kicking me until he was satisfied. Then we were all caned by him. What a loving school teacher. I hope that he will spend the rest of his life rocking behind bar in Sungai Buloh Prison because of trying to sodomize some dogs. He's a fucking asshole.

All my life, I thought of taking revenge against this ugly teacher. I was hoping to do a "count of monte cristo" kind of thing to him one day (Count is the guy who after many years of planning, destroyed his enemies one by one). I thought that if I make it big one day, I will search his whereabout and fuck him up nicely and get my revenge. Forgive me. I was a little naive. He's not worth my time. His children will be smoking ganjas now and smacking him everyday like a pussy I think. He probably had a sex-change lately and became a fully transformed transvestite with a vagina hole. So fuck him and fuck all the idiot school teachers. They are really not worth my time.

I tell you my friend, there are probably few hundreds more incidents to share and I can go on and on because as I said, we were under Nazi ruling in school for 11 fucking years. You guys are so lucky these days to have camera phones. If I had camera phone back then, all these bastards will be flying kites right now. Anyway, if you say some of our police force are heartless people, the same can be applied to the teachers.

If you are a teacher and you are reading this, then fucking tell yourself to be a good teacher or I fucking curse that your children will grow up to be society rubbish, take ganjas and fucking smack you everyday when they grow up.

Ok. Time to chill. Hehe. Sorry for being so angry.

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Reformasi or Kompromasi?

Let’s review the positives and the negatives. For the benefit of those who don’t understand:

reformasi = reform

Kompromasi = compromise

The positives of Reformasi

• the birth of Bangsa Malaysia
• the emergence of 2-party system and the people have more than just a choice
• the reborn of true democracy (and Tunku’s soul may come back to Malaysia and say “Well Done”. Rest in peace, Tunku. We love you.)
• the emergence of Sabah and Sarawak as powerful states and immediate development (obvious political reason, right?)
• the end of Mamak style dictatorship
• the end of Musa Hassan and Gani Patail
• the true justice will be carried out hopefully
• the end of daylight robbery and the drop of petrol price (and Petronas may become Non-Profit Organization perhaps :) )
• the end of obvious stupidity (Burma, Myanmar …. Study Geography lah, fucker)
• the end of sodomy. :) . I mean the end of Rakyat being sodomized

The negatives of Reformasi

the economy may suffer for a while

the government may take some time to be stable

the UMNO youth people may want to show cast their talent in Silat for a while

the PAS youth may want to continue to suggest banning sexy school uniform for a little while more

the mamak dictator will be angry for a long long while and start posting lots of shits in his blog

the current DPM may not talk to Rosmah for a little while

Khairy may have depression for a long long while and may not think of Maya Karin for a while :) (just kidding, Maya. Stay cute.)

Hishamuddin may not be able to become Hang Tuah and kiss his keris for a long long while (at least not in front of national television)

The positives of Kompromasi

first of all, are there any?

Opss ya. Chinese will continue to have chances to find more dirty money. Malays will continue to have NEP. Indians …. Err… machas will continue drinking anchor beer and enjoy a little while

Mamak will get to continue his bullshit for a long long while

Someone’s children may be rich politician for a long long while

The silent type of peace will re-emerge and stay for a long long while

Some people may drive Mercedes for a long long while

School uniform can remain sexy for a little while

Ella can still perform for a long long while :)

The negatives of Kompromasi

rakyat will continue to get sodomized for a long long while

Sabahans and Sarawakians will be ignored for a long long while

Democracy will be dead for a really long while

We may have to listen to more rubbish for a long long while

DSAI will be heartbroken for a really long while and may never have a chance to rebuild Bolehland (they may put him away again)

RPK’s Malaysia-Today will close down for a long long while and RPK himself may be kept quiet by some people for a long long while

Patrick Teoh may disappear for a really long while

Kenny Sia may not be so funny in a while (at least not so funny in his political view)

And as for myself will have to close down this blog and never use the internet in a while before I get my ass hunt down and end up being sodomized in the jail for a while

And there will be no more jokes about Bolehland in a long long while, my friend.

What the fuck? Apa macam?

Kompromasi for now la. I wanna sleep. Let me know the “reformasi” plan and I will shout with you guys tomorrow. LOL. I really gotta sleep. I am getting lots of grey hair lately because of worrying for Bolehland. Tak boleh tahan. Slumber lah! Good night.

TCJ

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Hello Malay People. Please Buck Up!

First of all, I pray that RPK and DSAI will be alright. Let’s talk about something else other than politic.

I’ve just recently sacked a Malay staff. I can tell you that it is extremely heart-breaking. I am not a racist. I really believe in the spirit of “Muhibbah” and the concept of “Bangsa Malaysia” which is why I took him because I really want to give him a chance. I know he’s not highly talented but he’s a really simple person who at first showed a lot of promising sign and willingness to learn. I trained him patiently and worked with him for a few years. But it all went up to nothing. He is the second Malay I have sacked so far. I had to. I have no choice.

As time goes by, he’s taking more and more MCs. His performance dropped and he constantly got criticized by others while the complains about him are flying in every single month.

Still, I gave him chance after chance. Time after time, I tried to convince him that he gotta buck up or be left out. He took my kindness for granted and continued with his “lepak lah” attitude. In short, he was getting more and more lazy. His performance was crap. What’s more the management noticed.

I was heavily criticized for not sacking him. Still, I believe in giving people a chance. I had many sessions of heart to heart talk with him. It got worst. He’s faking MCs and he was caught by HR red-handed. No escape. HR gave me an option to sack or to give him a last warning letter. I chose sacking. I gave up hope on him. There’s nothing left in him that I can convince myself to see a change.

The next grueling moment is when I started to look for a replacement. As usual once the ad is out, the resumes kept flying in. You know what is so shocking my friend? I had 30 Malay people who applied for the job and majority are 1st class degree students. They are graduates from MARA, UKM, UTM, etc etc. Wonderful I thought.

So what is so shocking, you must be wondering. When I interviewed them, none can speak English. I mean it. None. Not even simple fucking English. I mean as simple as those Chow Kuey Teow taukeh can speak. How in the fucking hell these people can survive in Multi National Companies?

Nevermind. I test them in Malay. Goodness sake, not only they can’t speak English, they don’t have simple fucking I.Q. as well. I am really worried for Bolehland. I don’t mean to discredit these people but they gotta buck up. Although I did not hire them, I got them to know the importance of English and told them to take up lessons in English.

Come on man. Stop blaming the Chinese and Indians for your problems. Stop the fucking “Lepak Lah” attitude. Buck up! At least learn the necessary survival skill. Here is my hand if you need me. Allow me to guide you to the practical ways of life (take note of the word “Guide”, not control).

I don’t care if you are Malay, Chinese or Indians reading this post. Know this. We are Malaysian. We cannot survive without one another. Lend a hand to help a friend. If our Malay friends are weak in one thing or another, let’s help them. Let’s learn together and stop pointing fingers at each other because this is no gain for our already weaken nation. Let’s be a knowledge worker together. Let’s save our nation. Let’s be united as Bangsa Malaysia. Peace.

TCJ

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Taking a break

I dont know about you. I am sick of politic at the moment. The mere sight of it makes me wanna puke. Too much politic, too little changes. bAH!!!











Get to work people!

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The BolehJokes Opinion: Anwar 3 Najib 0

Anwar 1 Najib 0

By openly admitting to having met with Saiful 3 days before the alleged “sodomised victim” lodges a police report, Najib actually gave himself a big slap on the face. The people are now laughing real hard. It is stupidity beyond limit. He should have carefully consider the consequences before releasing a statement like that. I mean, it makes him look stupid, really really stupid. Why on earth would a Deputy Prime Minister spend his time to meet a commoner? Who is Saiful? Why is he so special that DPM have to devote his time for him? Is he now acting as a specialist or counselor to common people by giving consultation? If I have personal problem, can I see visit Najib too? What a caring DPM we have over here. The reborn of Superhero. When can we arrange for our appointment? I have lots of problems too that I want Najib to help me. :). And that darling is Anwar 1, Najib 0.

Anwar 2 Najib 0

P Balasubramaniam’s statutory declaration made so much damaging claims about Najib. Of course our DPM is in his usual denial state. It does not matter whether the statutory declaration has any substance or truth in it. This is the second statutory declaration after Raja Petra submitted the first one. Najib’s popularity in the public is falling down like the Kuala Lumpur Stock Exchange each day. The more he deny, the more it gain publicity. The harder he tries, the deeper he falls as most people believe he’s lying. So that’s Anwar 2, Najib 0.

Anwar 3 Najib 0

And the drama got worse when P Balasubramaniam retracted his earlier statutory declaration and substituted it with an amended statutory declaration. Whether he did it on purpose or not, the people will not think that much. Majority will jump to the conclusion that the poor Bala guy was being threaten to do so or else he will be in deep shit. In truth, Anwar has so much to gain from this situation. As for Najib, yet again, the harder he tries, the deeper he sinks. And that is Anwar 3, Najib 0.

You gotta praise Anwar’s political tactic (if indeed everything was pre-planned, it was really brilliant). He was able to score a hattrick over Najib in such a short space of time and instantly causing what I believed to be unrepairable damages to Najib. As for Najib, he has a lot of political classes to attend after this. Poor him. Being DPM is not as easy as it used to be. Under Mahathir, all you have to do is to be a stupid “Yes” man and that will do.

In fact, being a politician nowadays is no longer that easy. Gone are the days when Zainuddin Maidin can yell with his broken English claiming Bolehland is not Myanmar or Burma (same country actually. Burma changed their name to Myanmar) and remain as Information Minister. This country no longer have place for stupid ministers. Politicians nowadays have to be really witty which is why some of our sleeping ministers are suffering because they have been the “Lepak lah” type for decades. When reality strikes them really hard, they just don’t know how to deal with it.

TCJ

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The BolehJokes Opinion: What would you do if you were Pak Lah or Anwar?

We know the latest development being the accusation against Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim for sodomy. Same trick that was used by a dictator famous for his "Apanama" trademark. While on the other hand, Ong Ka Ting will not be contesting for MCA presidential post

Let's play politic bitch. So what would you do if you were Pak Lah?


Lim: The most common attack in politic that I've seen is to dig out the opponent's weakness and give more publicity to it and keep focusing on it. This is what Pakatan Rakyat has been doing and most people claimed that the clever Azmin Ali was the mastermind behind it. So same trick, same effect. Pakatan Rakyat is still not strong as a unit. There were voices of discontentment between PAS and DAP. As there were rumours about PAS wanting to join BN, Pak Lah could use this avenue to unsettle Pakatan Rakyat further. Make claims like Anwar and state that there are a number of PAS MPs wanting to crossover to UMNO or other parties. Claim that negotiation is underway and when the right time is here, announcement will be made public. Restore the mind of the people by publishing more on what the PAS government did in Terengganu with implementation of separating men and women in queuing up in supermarkets, ban on entertainment outlet, etc. Attack on extremist policy of PAS and give more publicity to it while claiming strongly more and more PAS members wanted to leave because of disbelieving in the extremist policy of PAS.

Unknown 007: Good thing that Ong Ka Ting is out but still need to get rid of rubbish politicians like Samy Vellu and Khir Toyo that is bringing bad publicity to BN. As Pak Lah cant remove them just like that, hire a trustable sniper like Ezam Md. Noor to dig out dirt in Samy and Khir and then act like savior in offering them to leave peacefully. Next, release Hindraf 5 and make a statement stating that the police has been given ample time to investigate further and failed to sustain strong enough evidence to detain them further. Make a public apology to the family of Hindraf 5 for all the sufferings, invite Waythamoorthy back and state that you look forward to working with them (Hindraf group) for the better sake of the Indian community. This will gain massive favor to Pak Lah.

Grace: Like it or not, bloggers play a powerful influence in the country now. Attend blogger's functions by surprise and earn their respect. Let them know their view is being taken seriously and you look forward to their constructive criticism and learn to work together with them to bring Malaysia forward.

Arif: Give more publicity into the wrongs of Tun Mahathir. Other than judiciary crisis, restore the people's mind about Operasi Lalang in 1987 and his dictatorship. Focus on Ku Li's power crazy stance since 1980's. In short dig more history out and give more bad publicity to the people who are against you. Ignore all the negative attacks in order not to embrace more publicity into it. Make humble and soft denials and then walk away (Same tactic used by most celebrity). Don't give focus on it at all.

G-Shock: If I'm the PM, I wouldn't have hike up the petrol price first. I would announce the subsidy claim of RM625 first to the public to let them collect the money and be happy and then only announce the fuel-hike. Prior to announcing the fuel-hike, I would have a full explanation and report done up to let the people know about petrol-stealing issues. I will give full publicity to the petrol-stealing issues and how much we are losing. I would also take out the road tax to gain popularity before announcing the fuel-hike. This would not unsettle so many people as it is now.

What would you do if you were Anwar?



KLH: What Anwar shouldn't do is to give more publicity into accusations like the latest alleged sodomy case. More denials, more bad publicities. Like what the genius said "If you wrestle with the pig, the pig will have a good time and you will end up messing yourself further". Remain calm, prepare evidences (in case if it's needed) and let the police investigate further. Announce to the public calmly that he will remain focus into working on the crossovers of MPs and ignore the fabricated claim. Turn the attention away and put more focus into Altantuya's murder and encourage the police to investigate properly into RPK's claim as murder case is more serious.

Jefri: UMNO is not as stable as before. In fact, they are not as united as before. Therefore, dig out issues to unsettle the harmony between Najib and Pak Lah. Create more fightings in UMNO. Restore the people's mind about Najib's rally in Kampung Baru 1987 with the statement of "soaking the keris with Chinese blood" and tell the people not accept the extremist as the next Prime Minister.

Haris: There were claims that many ordinary MCA members have quit and joined Pakatan component parties. Give more publicity to it. Give more publicity to Lim Boo Chang and gang who recently join Pakatan. Continue to unsettle BN with more claims.

Bakti: Work on PAS and DAP relationship to ensure further united stance. Give more attention and publicity into Nizar and Ngeh's good working relationship. Attack more on poor working relationship between MCA, Gerakan, MIC and UMNO.

What is your opinion?

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